


The Kiss of Fate

by shadowycat



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Humor, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-03
Updated: 2010-11-03
Packaged: 2017-10-13 01:19:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/131228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowycat/pseuds/shadowycat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sybill decides to take up a new hobby; unfortunately, she can't do it alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Kiss of Fate

**The Kiss of Fate**

 

Sybill stood in the corridor and stared thoughtfully after the young couple she'd just shooed out from behind the statue of Maltrese the Malingerer. They'd been quite engrossed in their kissing when she'd peered into the dim recess behind the large reclining figure and caught them in the act. So engrossed in fact, that they'd seemed totally oblivious to the odd sounds they were making. Their rather moist sucking and smacking sounds had attracted her attention several feet down the corridor as she'd headed back to her tower from her weekly trip to the room of requirement.

Kissing could be a rather noisy affair apparently. Idly she wondered why? It didn't seem as if it would have to be, but then she'd never kissed anyone herself, so she could hardly speak from experience. Oh, she'd planted the odd peck on a reluctant cheek, but never full on someone's lips with their enthusiastic cooperation. She told herself that she preferred the uplifting life of the mind and spirit to the rather obvious and pedestrian life of the flesh, but the truth was…she really hadn't had the opportunity to give real kissing a try. Had she been missing out?

All those couples she'd interrupted over the years did seem to be enjoying themselves. In fact, kissing seemed to be a very popular hobby among the students. Perhaps she should give it a try. Just to see what all the fuss was about. Most likely it wouldn't measure up to its reputation; almost nothing ever did, well, except chocolate, of course, but she'd never know for sure unless she experienced it herself.

The problem with pursuing kissing as a hobby was that it wasn't a solitary pursuit. One simply needed more than one pair of lips to make a proper job of it. But where could she manage to gain access to that necessary second pair? Who should she approach?

She frowned. Her choices were far from innumerable and none seemed truly ideal.

As she stood there mentally sorting through the possibilities, Remus Lupin came slowly around the nearest corner absorbed in reading a handful of papers. As Sybill watched, he shuffled the top sheet onto the bottom of his pile and continued to read, heading straight towards her.

Clearly here was a stroke of divine providence if she'd ever seen it. Sybill smiled to herself and considered Lupin thoughtfully. Not a bad choice. He was tall enough so she wouldn't have to slouch but not so tall that she couldn't reach his lips. He was old enough that she wouldn't get in trouble with Minerva as she might if he was still a student. The woman was as inflexible as iron on some points…no imagination. He was young enough to still be capable, and he wasn't otherwise attached as far as she knew. Though it wasn't as if she was looking for an attachment. Oh dear, no! One kiss was all she wanted. Surely he'd be willing to cooperate?

Dismissing a momentary doubt, Sybill went back to assessing Lupin's suitability. His clothes were a bit shabby. He could really do so much better if he tried, adding some color would help immeasurably, but that was hardly important for a single kiss. All that was really required was that he had lips, and now that she looked at them, she had to admit his were quite nice. They were full and rather sensuous, and when he smiled, it was pleasant to look at.

Sybill smiled herself. Surely he'd do. She could certainly do worse. She snorted loudly. Around here, she could actually do a lot worse.

At the sound of Sybill's rather loud snort, Remus looked up from his reading, startled to find he wasn't alone. Sybill, having made up her mind and not wanting to waste any more time, marched right up to him and grasped his arm firmly with a ring bedecked hand.

"Professor Lupin…Remus, how fortunate you've come! It is all right if I call you Remus, isn't it?" She smiled flutteringly at him.

Remus blinked, suddenly wary. Sybill had barely glanced his way in the few weeks he'd been teaching at Hogwarts, and he'd been quite content to maintain that state of affairs. So this sudden burst of rather close attention took him totally by surprise.

"Hello, Sybill. Of course, you may call me Remus. We're colleagues, after all. May I help you with something?" As her smile widened to dazzling proportions, he had a sinking feeling that he was going to be rather sorry he'd asked.

"Yes, my dear, you may indeed. I've been shooing kissing couples out of the shrubbery and out from behind the odd bit of statuary for years, and it just occurred to me that kissing is an activity I've sadly neglected in my own life. The students all seem to enjoy it so much. I thought that perhaps I'd been missing out. What do you think?"

She paused and looked at him expectantly.

Remus simply stared at her. He couldn't possibly have heard her right. "Kissing?? Yes, um, well, kissing certainly is enjoyable…with the right partner. You mean you've never…uh, never…"

She shook her head, bangles and beads clashing together in a sharp counterpoint to her movement. "No, at least, not a proper kiss. I think it's time to change that. My horoscope told me that I should not fail to take advantage of learning a new skill today! And here you are and here I am! We mustn't deny fate now, must we?"

The color drained from Remus's face. If kissing him was what she meant by fate, he sure as hell thought it was worth trying to deny it.

His eyes slid from her avid face and began to scan the corridor for someone to offer up as a better alternative. Unfortunately the corridors, usually so full of people, remained stubbornly empty. Where the hell was Peeves with a bucket of icy water when you really needed him?

"Uh…I may not be your best choice…" He stammered out as he frantically tried to come up with an excuse she'd listen to.

"Why not? You have lips," Sybill stated matter of factly.

Remus stared at her in astonishment. How the hell did you argue with logic like that? Of course he had lips; that was hardly the point. What mattered was that he really had no desire to let his lips get any closer to her lips.

Sybill saw no point in wasting time however, having dazzled him with her logic, she simply swooped in, grabbed him in what felt like a wrestling hold and kissed him, scattering his papers across the corridor.

In a flash, Remus found himself caught up in the most enthusiastic, overly moist, and spectacularly disorganized kiss he'd ever been party to. Clearly Sybill had been telling the truth when she said she'd never kissed anyone before, her aim was less than specific, her teeth got in the way, and she clearly had no idea at all what to do with her tongue. By the time Remus had recovered his equilibrium enough to try to respond, feeling that since he appeared to have no choice in the matter, he really should make some effort, she'd pulled away from him with a frown.

"Was that the best you could do?" she asked with a look of disappointment, clearly unimpressed.

He could feel his face flame bright red. No, as a matter of fact that wasn't even close to the best he could do, but he caught himself before he could say so out loud. The last thing he should be doing was arguing with her. Did he really want her asking to try again?

"Sorry, you caught me by surprise," he murmured hastily.

"Oh, should I have announced I was ready before the kiss began? I'm afraid that the fates didn't give me any guidance on the finer points of kissing etiquette."

That wasn't all the fates had been reticent to provide guidance on, he thought to himself. Some practical pointers wouldn't have been amiss, either.

"Well, no point in trying again, I suppose," she looked rather sorrowfully at him. "It can only be the first time once." If that was all there was to kissing, she certainly couldn't understand why it was so popular.

Remus felt a twinge of sorrow at the crushing disappointment that seemed to overflow from Sybill's much magnified eyes. He felt as if he'd accidentally kicked a puppy, and, with a vague sense of horror, he heard himself say, "We could consider that one just practice. You know, before your first _real_ kiss."

Brightening immediately, she beamed toothily at him. "You mean you want to do it again?"

Hell no, he didn't want to do it again, but under the circumstances, he sort of felt he should. Or spend the rest of the day feeling like a cad.

She reached out and patted him consolingly on the arm. "It's really very kind of you to offer, but if I'm to pursue this as a hobby, I think I need to find someone who has a bit more experience at kissing than you seem to. You understand, don't you? I wouldn't want to hurt your feelings after you were so kind as to oblige me this way. It's hardly your fault if you aren't an expert in this area."

Remus's mouth fell open in surprise, but he found himself nodding in agreement. Apparently fate wasn't completely against him after all. "Right…absolutely. You definitely deserve someone more experienced than I am. Someone older and wiser, who really knows what they're doing and could guide you in learning to be a first rate kisser. I couldn't agree more."

"What an excellent idea! And where better to find a teacher than in a school? I shall have to be careful who I choose, though. Obviously simply having lips isn't enough," she said thoughtfully.

Imagine that, thought Remus, carefully holding his tongue.

Sybill clapped her hands in delight. "I know! I'll do a totality reading on each of the men in the school…a star chart, tarot readings, tea leaves, crystal gazing….the complete work up. Then I'll know without a doubt which one to choose. One shouldn't simply jump into these things unawares. Obviously that only leads to disappointment."

Firmly ignoring the inner grumbling from his affronted ego that was telling him to grab her and prove that he knew very well how proper kissing should be done, Remus simply nodded once more. "Obviously…" he agreed.

With a vague smile in his direction, she wandered off down the corridor muttering to herself about which tea would provide the proper sort of dregs and wondering if the house elves had any chicken entrails they'd be willing to part with. As she disappeared around the corner, Remus bent down and began to gather his scattered papers.

Should he warn the staff what was coming? Naw… He grinned to himself. It didn't seem right to interfere with Sybill's quest for knowledge or with all the enjoyment that quest was likely to bring to those watching from the sidelines. As he headed off to his next class, he found himself wondering just who the fates would offer up to Sybill next.


End file.
